* To balance the yin of Good Humor, offers the yang from frozen Bile on a Stick.
* Number of kills clearly marked on the side of his truck.
* He's paranoid because he's "always being followed by someone disguised as little children."
* His route takes him down your street at precisely 3:30 am every morning.
* Comes to work wearing only a strategically placed waffle cone.
* All the flavors have the word "Opossum" somewhere in their titles.
* Happy calliope music replaced with Mozart’s "Requiem."
* Offers three flavors: Chocolate, Vanilla, and Sacred Blood of the Martyrs.
* Popsicles, Creamsicles, Fudgesicles -- sure. Spleensicles? Never heard of ‘em!
* "Little Mr. Softee" always making surprise appearances.
* Every time you get close to his truck he guns it and laughs while yelling, "Maybe next time, Lardass!"
* On Tuesdays, drives backwards and demands ice cream from little kids.
* Ice cream sandwiches come with alfalfa sprouts, dijon mustard and a pickle.
* "Ice cream! Get your... HEY, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY TRUCK! ...Ice cream, get your ice cream!..."
* Likes Jerry, but says Ben is "a real turd."
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