Jokes: Featured

 Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship with
   Monica Lewinsky?
   Pres: Improper? ... Ain't nothing improper about that. That was one of
   the the sweetest interns I've ever had.

Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,

"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."

"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.

"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."

The Top Signs That Your Net Relationship Is Over

1. All of a sudden, she's typing in a different font.
   
   
2. Instead of hearing that lovely "You've Got Mail" statement when you use America OnLine, you hear "You Just Got Dumped!"
   
   
3. Your connection to his server is constantly refused.
   
   
4. You get a Dear John E-mai...Your name is Fred.
   
   
5. They no longer have access to a computer due to a recent parole.
   
   
6. She starts ending each sentence with only 1 exclamation mark instead of the usual 3!!!
   
   
7. She tells you that she's been working a lot. You think its a professional job; it turns out that she was responsible for the decorations at her Jr High prom!!
   
   
8. During an intimate moment in a chat room, she reveals herself to be GRANDMA!!
   
   

Sam and Abe, now in their eighties, first met in grade school. Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes and making bets. One day Sam calls Abe and says, "I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars..." Abe replies, "How can that be? If you know anything about biology you...." Sam interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars... YES OR NO?" Abe says, "OK, OK. I'll take that bet. How long is yours soft?" Sam answers, "Eleven years!"